How To Be a Facebook Idiot

Anyone can be an idiot… but can YOU be a Facebook idiot? You decide.

What lies below is a completely satirical guide you can follow to learn how to become a world-class Facebook idiot in preparation for the upcoming election season.

Buckle up, it’s time to lower your IQ.

Post Without Logic

Hey Einstein, guess what? All those years of struggling to better yourself by learning are WORTHLESS. Why? Because the cornerstone of being a Facebook idiot is posting without logic. So get a head start and lose yours… ( your head). Instead of doing research on informed political opinions from legitimate sources, you know, painstakingly taking the time to understand all points of view and using logic & reason to interrupt where you fall on the proverbial line…. Do the opposite… post without logic. Actually… don’t do anything…. Make a TV dinner, pick your belly button and blame the dog for the stained carpet. If anything, just share the stories on Facebook that have pictures with your favorite color. Who doesn’t like your favorite color? Only an idiot… that’s who!

Belittle People For Having Opposite Points Of View

Are you the type of yellow tooth, bone sucking barbarian who steps on spiders when you see them? Great. Now it’s your turn to step on virtual spiders… you know, the bastards who disagree with what you have to say. So whenever someone has the nerve to park their logical opinion in your narrow-minded driveway, prepare to put on your angry old man pants and belittle people who disagree with you. Be Proactive. Instead of welcoming a debate, squash the debate before it even starts. I mean come on, If someone is disagreeing with you, they must be wrong. After all, you’re always right and the sun revolves around you. A true Facebook idiot belittles people who see things from a different lens. Instead of embracing the melting pot that is America, these people want to watch the pot burn, so they can roast marshmallows and make s’mores. Who doesn’t love s’mores right?

Defend What You Post With Emotion

The critical step in becoming a true Facebook idiot is to defend whatever you post with some pure, hardworkin’, unchecked emotion. Now it’s your turn to become a dragon and let your opinions burn wherever they damn well please. Essentially, if anyone fancy-schmancy person wants to use “ logic”, kick that person in the proverbial balls with your emotional response. Remember: No questions. No logic. Straight emotion. You want to use so much emotion that it drowns all forms of reason. It’s a pool party baby, it’s time to take a swim.

Never Fact Check

Hey Buddy, come over here, and let’s beat this dead horse dare I say… together. Again, never, ever, EVER fact check what you post. Only an idiot would post something without fact-checking and that’s our goal. To clarify, our goal isn’t to be informed, it’s being an idiot. So please, don’t fact check any of your political beliefs. Checking the facts is what people who are not idiots do … we don’t want to be like them!

Over Share

You can’t be a shy sally if you want to be a professional Facebook Idiot. Oh no, check your ego at the door and prepare to give your sausage fingers the workout of a lifetime! Post nonstop like you’re a psychopath running from the government who won’t be silenced. You want to post so much that Guinness Book of World Records is going to contact you for a world record. That’s how much you should post. Anytime you smell the first wif of a post you like, share it.. don’t bother reading it…. Reading doesn’t matter. Remember, our goal isn’t to post on facts, logic, or reason, it’s mainly to post things that have our favorite color. Stick to the plan stan! Stick. To. The. Plan.

Never Take Action

Finally, the best way to earn your Being a Facebook Idiot boy scout badge is to simply never take action on anything you believe. Never. Instead of you know, becoming more involved with your political party, making some phone calls, attending meetings, etc… do none of that. Rather, keep your lumpy, hairy ass glued to the couch. It’s leather right? You like leather… so grab a soda & stay awhile. You want to aim for all talk no action. THAT’S how the greats did it! After all, taking action would take you away from your darling TV and we all know he gets lonely.

Happy Election season people. Thank you for allowing me to waste your time. Again, this is a joke and my way of poking fun at how some people act on Facebook. I’m not perfect, I’ve made mistakes but ideally, do the opposite of what I said in this article. Be informed. Fact Check. Use Logic. Understand all sides of an issue before posting. Welcome debate. Take action for what you believe in. Be kind. Let’s try to be better as a society, we owe the world that.

Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think. Are you excited for all the political posts?

Originally published at https://tonysbologna.com on May 5, 2020.